My First Poem

by Green Monkey

Published January 18, 2005

Concrete Pendulum
An Acrostic Poem By Green Monkey


Population focused in cities
Of which eject poison into the air
Letting earth’s pendulum swing
Letting earth’s time run out
Unless something is done
This rusted world will be no more
Imaginary it will be
Only the man in the moon will see
Not where earth is but where it used to be

Hello, this is my first post, so I hope it ends up where I want it... :?

Comments & reviews · 16
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gsppcrocks10
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gsppcrocks10 commented Comment · May 28, 2009

I like this, this is good.

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Fireweed
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Fireweed commented Comment · Aug 16, 2005

well, im not a big acrostic fan, but this was pretty good, 'specially if its your first poem. and i loved the theme, being the tree-hugging hippie that i am...

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Snoink
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Snoink commented Comment · Aug 14, 2005

:O!

Next time, mention something about Nitrogen Oxide. Pleeeeeeease? That's poetry enough for the whole poem!

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hekategirl
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hekategirl commented Comment · Aug 14, 2005

It was a good poem considering the format, you had some very good lines in there
The title was good too. I like it. Nice work :P

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Jennafina
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Jennafina commented Comment · Aug 13, 2005

I didn't even know what acrostic means untill chevy mentioned it in context. I didn't notice. I like the pendulum image and the man in the moon line.

Save the earth!!!

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bluecows
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bluecows commented Comment · Mar 11, 2005

yep, knowing i'm a parisite gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside *she is presantly carted off to the funny farm*

have a lovely day
~blue~ :D

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Shadow Knight
Review
Shadow Knight wrote a review Review · Mar 11, 2005

If i interpreted the message in this poem correctly, i would have to agree. The earth's time is running out, and it's all thanks to human's, isn't it niced to know your a parasite?

~~Shadow~Knight~~ :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

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bluecows
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bluecows wrote a review Review · Mar 11, 2005

I haven't read/ written an acrostic poem since primary school, but i liked this one.
especialy the bit about the earth being a pendulem (is that how you spell it?) and where you say
'not where earth is but where it used to be'

Have a lovely day
~blue~ :D

P.S i don't think the flow was interrupted by the form, but then again, i'm not sure what that actually means...

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Sam
Review
Sam wrote a review Review · Mar 1, 2005

It was a little too 'Let's Save the Rainforest!' for me, but I thought it was pretty good, especially with the pendulum analogy. That was pretty cool.

I've never heard of the acrostic style...have to google it. See what I find. :D

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nickelpickle
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nickelpickle commented Comment · Mar 1, 2005

personaly not one of my favorite types of poems...it was good for what it was though...

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Areida
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Areida wrote a review Review · Feb 28, 2005

I liked it. Thinking of earth's time to be here as a pendulum was a neat illustration. I haven't read an acrostic in a long time and honestly can't remember the restrictons for them (I read/write more fiction than I do poetry). The only part I recommend changing is:

"Letting earth's pendulum swing
Letting earth's time run out"

Both great lines, but I would change one of the 'letting's to something else. Good job. ^_^

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Green Monkey
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Green Monkey commented Comment · Feb 20, 2005

whatever thats supposed to mean...

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convintojm
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convintojm commented Comment · Feb 15, 2005

it wasn't bad considering the restrictions placed on it but the flow was interrupted by the form

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Green Monkey
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Green Monkey commented Comment · Feb 15, 2005

I guess you didn't read the part where it said it was acrostic then....

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niteowl
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niteowl commented Comment · Jan 19, 2005

Yeah I didn't even notice it was acrostic until she mentioned it.

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Chevy
Review
Chevy wrote a review Review · Jan 19, 2005

Well, I personally don't like acrostic because they're so restricting, however, you did very well with creating a very free and flowing poem. I really like it. However, when writing an acrostic, be sure you put emphases on the first letter of each line, such as puting them in bold or high lighted them.



In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien