My First Poem

Concrete Pendulum
An Acrostic Poem By Green Monkey


Population focused in cities
Of which eject poison into the air
Letting earth’s pendulum swing
Letting earth’s time run out
Unless something is done
This rusted world will be no more
Imaginary it will be
Only the man in the moon will see
Not where earth is but where it used to be

Hello, this is my first post, so I hope it ends up where I want it... :?

Comments & reviews · 16
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gsppcrocks10
Comment

I like this, this is good.

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Fireweed
Comment

well, im not a big acrostic fan, but this was pretty good, 'specially if its your first poem. and i loved the theme, being the tree-hugging hippie that i am...

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Snoink
Comment

:O!

Next time, mention something about Nitrogen Oxide. Pleeeeeeease? That's poetry enough for the whole poem!

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hekategirl
Comment

It was a good poem considering the format, you had some very good lines in there
The title was good too. I like it. Nice work :P

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Jennafina
Comment

I didn't even know what acrostic means untill chevy mentioned it in context. I didn't notice. I like the pendulum image and the man in the moon line.

Save the earth!!!

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bluecows
Comment

yep, knowing i'm a parisite gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside *she is presantly carted off to the funny farm*

have a lovely day
~blue~ :D

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Shadow Knight
Review

If i interpreted the message in this poem correctly, i would have to agree. The earth's time is running out, and it's all thanks to human's, isn't it niced to know your a parasite?

~~Shadow~Knight~~ :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

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bluecows
Review

I haven't read/ written an acrostic poem since primary school, but i liked this one.
especialy the bit about the earth being a pendulem (is that how you spell it?) and where you say
'not where earth is but where it used to be'

Have a lovely day
~blue~ :D

P.S i don't think the flow was interrupted by the form, but then again, i'm not sure what that actually means...

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Sam
Review
Sam wrote a review · Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:23 am

It was a little too 'Let's Save the Rainforest!' for me, but I thought it was pretty good, especially with the pendulum analogy. That was pretty cool.

I've never heard of the acrostic style...have to google it. See what I find. :D

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nickelpickle
Comment

personaly not one of my favorite types of poems...it was good for what it was though...

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Areida
Review
Areida wrote a review · Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:46 pm

I liked it. Thinking of earth's time to be here as a pendulum was a neat illustration. I haven't read an acrostic in a long time and honestly can't remember the restrictons for them (I read/write more fiction than I do poetry). The only part I recommend changing is:

"Letting earth's pendulum swing
Letting earth's time run out"

Both great lines, but I would change one of the 'letting's to something else. Good job. ^_^

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Green Monkey
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whatever thats supposed to mean...

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convintojm
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it wasn't bad considering the restrictions placed on it but the flow was interrupted by the form

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Green Monkey
Comment

I guess you didn't read the part where it said it was acrostic then....

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niteowl
Comment

Yeah I didn't even notice it was acrostic until she mentioned it.

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Chevy
Review
Chevy wrote a review · Wed Jan 19, 2005 5:04 pm

Well, I personally don't like acrostic because they're so restricting, however, you did very well with creating a very free and flowing poem. I really like it. However, when writing an acrostic, be sure you put emphases on the first letter of each line, such as puting them in bold or high lighted them.



As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda